My Kids; My Heart

Vacation Bible School will begin in Kodiak this coming Sunday, and I am still in Texas. This is the first time in six summers that I will not be there. While I would not trade the experiences God has lead me to this summer, my heart still aches at times when I think about not getting to love on those kids in Kodiak this summer. Yesterday the team from Abilene arrived in Kodiak to begin their week of ministry there. Please be in prayer for them as they rest up, get settled in, and begin reaching out to the community and church in Kodiak.

As I have been thinking about my kiddos, I just want to give you all a glimpse of the amazing kids I had the blessing of loving on and pouring into last summer. 

B: he was a tough one; sweet, gentle (might be hard to see if you were to be around him short-term, but I believe and could see it's in there), and cautious spirit; experienced so much pain and fear; guarded heart; distrusting of others; desiring deeply to be loved, comforted, and accepted. After saying countless times throughout the summer that he hated me and wasn't ever going to come back to lunch group.. on the last day at the park, he stood as close to my side as he could and gently leaned up against me. I quietly put my arm around him. No words were needed. Such a sweet, special moment. 

O: feisty; independent; stubborn; searching. We got along pretty well, unless she was running away from me because she was upset I told her she couldn't chase the butterflies into the pushki (like poison ivy, only way worse). Not quite old enough to fully understand all that's gone on in her little world, but she knows things haven't been the best way they could be. Desiring for someone to spend time with her, pay attention to her, and love her. 

M: kind; compassionate; a gentle, quiet leader; observant; kind of stubborn; artistic; protective. Not quite sure where she is supposed to fit in. A beautiful, quiet girl.

K: she has the absolute best laugh ever!! Sweet; kind; joyful; bubbly; sensitive to others; always sees the positive side of things and encourages others to do the same. Senses when something is wrong and desires to help make it better.

D: energetic; awesome smile; not afraid to go against the flow; outspoken; athletic; bright-eyed; loyal; determined; caring. Last year, D's best friend in the group was adamantly against the notion of VBS, yet D was consistent in telling his friend how much fun it is, that it's one of his favorite parts of summer, and how much he thought his friend would enjoy it. Regardless of how many times his friend dissed VBS and said it was stupid, D stood his ground. That's pretty exceptional for a kid of his age.. Strong-willed; an individual; not afraid of being different.

D: giver of huge bear hugs; joyful; playful; imaginative; unique; enthusiastic. She acts young for her age, yet looks older than she actually is. Enjoys the little things; loves without question or prejudice. On the playground one day, as we leaned in to take a picture together, she said: "I think I'll just say your my sister/best friend  cause we're kind of like that." Oh, my heart.

This blog only encompasses a few of the precious kids of Kodiak. There are so many more. The more I think of them, the more I wish I could play color tag with them again on the playground (even though I still have a pretty mean scar on my leg left from last year. I love them, but it doesn't mean I'm not still competitive :)). I wish I could see them running towards the church!.I wish I could give them all big hugs. I wish I could hear about their school year and see how much they've grown.

Jesus, hold my kiddos tight. Open their hearts more and more as they have opportunity to learn more about You. Move in their families; their communities. God, draw their families to the church as well. Let them hear Your words and see Your love displayed through the team and church members there. Let Your Spirit ooze out of the church doors and into the community; into their homes; into their hearts. Continue to change lives this summer, Lord. Bring more hope, peace, love, light, and abundant life into the community of Kodiak, God!

A New Adventure

I guess it's time for a little more thorough update for those of you that I haven't talked to in a while! :)

This summer I am working with the International Sports Federation as the Mobilization Intern. ISF is a faith-based non-profit organization that seeks to change the world through sports. Since their establishment in 1993, they have mobilized more than 8,500 volunteers that have served in more than 120 countries around the world. What I love about this organization is that their focus is on building relationships with the people they come in contact with and following wherever the Holy Spirit leads.

My job is pretty much to assist with whatever is needed. Most of what is to be done this summer centers around training camps that will be conducted for the teams before they leave on mission. ISF is sending four teams to four different countries this June and July. Before leaving, each team will come to Georgia for training camp. This is a time meant to help with the transition from "normal life" to the foreign mission field, team building, and growing in their individual relationships with God.

It's a little different here -- there are lots of trees and stuff. ;) But it's a fun new adventure! I am already blessed by the people I am working with and surrounded by. This internship originally (from my human point of view) came to be because I needed it for credit towards my degree, but I'm excited for what all The Lord has planned! I'm sure it's much more than I can see or was expecting!

Overwhelmed.

If I could describe this semester so far in one word it might be this: Overwhelming. 

I have been overwhelmed by my schoolwork; by feelings of inadequacy.

I have been overwhelmed by a stupid amount of car issues, both mechanical and just me locking myself out.. 

I have been overwhelmed by fears of "the future" getting closer and not knowing what the path looks like after college; more feelings of inadequacy that I cannot accomplish what The Lord is calling me to do.

I am overwhelmed by the people I see who are hurting; I so desperately want to do something, yet feel so powerless to help. 

I have been overwhelmed by tests and capstones that I don't seem to have time for and yet they are necessary. 

Strong emotions of sadness; feelings of darkness, worthlessness, frustration; physical symptoms of anxiety that can sometimes make it difficult to get out of bed in the morning; confusion, lack of understanding, lack of belief.. I have been overwhelmed. The list could go on and on.

But maybe through all of these things there is something that has been even more overwhelming. It is absolutely constant; I cannot get away from it no matter how hard I may try some days. It is the love of my God. It is overwhelming. 

I am overwhelmed that He can love me even when I am the most unlovable; He still pursues me.

I am overwhelmed that He does not get fed up of my anger when I cannot understand the hurt that is in this world; He reminds me again that He is bigger, even though I cannot begin to wrap my mind around it.

I am overwhelmed and amazed that He does not give up on me; He will complete the good work He has begun.

I am overwhelmed at the kindness, love, encouragement, and patience of sweet friends The Lord has placed in my life; they pray for me, hug me and sit with me, let me borrow their cars and give me rides, listen to me, and lead me back to the Father. 

I am overwhelmed by grace and mercy, forgiveness and love; they are boundless in the presence of the King. 

I am overwhelmed that the God of the universe loves ME. He chooses to look at me in my brokenness and say, "That is my child. She's mine." Most days I can't seem to fully believe it. But I want to. 

"From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I." ~ Psalm 61:2

I want to sit at Your feet; drink from the cup in Your hand. Lay back against You and breathe; feel Your heart beat.. This love is so deep; it's more than I can stand. I melt in Your peace; it's overwhelming.