Christmas Miracle

Sometimes I think we become too familiar with the story of Christmas. A baby born in a manger, big star, shepherds, angels, magi bring gifts... TO THE GREATEST GIFT EVER, JESUS. Why do we lose that? How does the weight of that reality ever slip away in the midst of a story that somehow becomes "normal"?

My prayer this year is that the true miracle of Christmas would be more real to me (and others) than ever before. I want to feel the weight of it and kneel in awe of all that the The Lord has done for me. I want to feel, taste, see, and experience the peace and joy that comes from He who is called "Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace" on a deeper level than I ever have before. 

Do you know why I am so desperate for all of this? Because I - along with countless others- need some Hope this Christmas season. I need to see some Light in the midst of the darkness of this world. I don't know how to live without my heart being continually convinced that He is King. That little miracle baby grew up to be the King of the World and HE REIGNS. He is Sovereign even when it seems that evil prevails. 

I have found myself discontent, and even angry, at times that there isn't more. More to this story; more to what God offers. Sometimes it just doesn't seem like enough, despite all that I know about who God is and what He's done. I don't want to watch people suffer; I don't want people to feel so hopeless that the only solution they see is to take their own life; I don't want people to die; I don't want kids to get cancer; the list could go on. But the truth that we can so easily lose sight of is that God has already done so much more than we could ever have imagined. And it all started on that first Christmas.

The miracle of Christmas is that "God loved the world so much that He sent His one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him." He came to save us! And it's more and bigger than we can fully comprehend. I am guilty of wanting God to save us from the pain of loss; to save us from the devastation of disease; to save us from the darkness in this world. But He's done MORE. He sacrificed everything so that we could be saved from death, loss, pain, darkness, and disease for ETERNITY. 

While I still wish that we didn't have to experience the deep pain that comes with living on this earth, we cannot lose focus of all that God has done for us. If I get angry and defensive every time I see someone with deep pain or illness, how can I possibly effectively minister Hope to them?! If I am not fully convinced that what God offers is always enough, how can I lead others to Him?

Yet I know I am called to do exactly those things- to minister Hope to broken people and lead them to the only One who can truly heal them. That is why I want a new and fresh revelation of the Christmas Miracle this year. What about you?

"He has come for us, this Jesus! He's the Hope for all mankind! He has come for us, the Messiah; born to give us life!"

"I hear the Angels singing, 'Hallelujah! Let the earth receive her King!' I know that Love has come! Sing it out -- Jesus Christ is born!"

"For unto you is born this day in the city of David, a Savior, who is Christ the Lord!" - Luke 2:11

My Kids; My Heart

Vacation Bible School will begin in Kodiak this coming Sunday, and I am still in Texas. This is the first time in six summers that I will not be there. While I would not trade the experiences God has lead me to this summer, my heart still aches at times when I think about not getting to love on those kids in Kodiak this summer. Yesterday the team from Abilene arrived in Kodiak to begin their week of ministry there. Please be in prayer for them as they rest up, get settled in, and begin reaching out to the community and church in Kodiak.

As I have been thinking about my kiddos, I just want to give you all a glimpse of the amazing kids I had the blessing of loving on and pouring into last summer. 

B: he was a tough one; sweet, gentle (might be hard to see if you were to be around him short-term, but I believe and could see it's in there), and cautious spirit; experienced so much pain and fear; guarded heart; distrusting of others; desiring deeply to be loved, comforted, and accepted. After saying countless times throughout the summer that he hated me and wasn't ever going to come back to lunch group.. on the last day at the park, he stood as close to my side as he could and gently leaned up against me. I quietly put my arm around him. No words were needed. Such a sweet, special moment. 

O: feisty; independent; stubborn; searching. We got along pretty well, unless she was running away from me because she was upset I told her she couldn't chase the butterflies into the pushki (like poison ivy, only way worse). Not quite old enough to fully understand all that's gone on in her little world, but she knows things haven't been the best way they could be. Desiring for someone to spend time with her, pay attention to her, and love her. 

M: kind; compassionate; a gentle, quiet leader; observant; kind of stubborn; artistic; protective. Not quite sure where she is supposed to fit in. A beautiful, quiet girl.

K: she has the absolute best laugh ever!! Sweet; kind; joyful; bubbly; sensitive to others; always sees the positive side of things and encourages others to do the same. Senses when something is wrong and desires to help make it better.

D: energetic; awesome smile; not afraid to go against the flow; outspoken; athletic; bright-eyed; loyal; determined; caring. Last year, D's best friend in the group was adamantly against the notion of VBS, yet D was consistent in telling his friend how much fun it is, that it's one of his favorite parts of summer, and how much he thought his friend would enjoy it. Regardless of how many times his friend dissed VBS and said it was stupid, D stood his ground. That's pretty exceptional for a kid of his age.. Strong-willed; an individual; not afraid of being different.

D: giver of huge bear hugs; joyful; playful; imaginative; unique; enthusiastic. She acts young for her age, yet looks older than she actually is. Enjoys the little things; loves without question or prejudice. On the playground one day, as we leaned in to take a picture together, she said: "I think I'll just say your my sister/best friend  cause we're kind of like that." Oh, my heart.

This blog only encompasses a few of the precious kids of Kodiak. There are so many more. The more I think of them, the more I wish I could play color tag with them again on the playground (even though I still have a pretty mean scar on my leg left from last year. I love them, but it doesn't mean I'm not still competitive :)). I wish I could see them running towards the church!.I wish I could give them all big hugs. I wish I could hear about their school year and see how much they've grown.

Jesus, hold my kiddos tight. Open their hearts more and more as they have opportunity to learn more about You. Move in their families; their communities. God, draw their families to the church as well. Let them hear Your words and see Your love displayed through the team and church members there. Let Your Spirit ooze out of the church doors and into the community; into their homes; into their hearts. Continue to change lives this summer, Lord. Bring more hope, peace, love, light, and abundant life into the community of Kodiak, God!

A New Adventure

I guess it's time for a little more thorough update for those of you that I haven't talked to in a while! :)

This summer I am working with the International Sports Federation as the Mobilization Intern. ISF is a faith-based non-profit organization that seeks to change the world through sports. Since their establishment in 1993, they have mobilized more than 8,500 volunteers that have served in more than 120 countries around the world. What I love about this organization is that their focus is on building relationships with the people they come in contact with and following wherever the Holy Spirit leads.

My job is pretty much to assist with whatever is needed. Most of what is to be done this summer centers around training camps that will be conducted for the teams before they leave on mission. ISF is sending four teams to four different countries this June and July. Before leaving, each team will come to Georgia for training camp. This is a time meant to help with the transition from "normal life" to the foreign mission field, team building, and growing in their individual relationships with God.

It's a little different here -- there are lots of trees and stuff. ;) But it's a fun new adventure! I am already blessed by the people I am working with and surrounded by. This internship originally (from my human point of view) came to be because I needed it for credit towards my degree, but I'm excited for what all The Lord has planned! I'm sure it's much more than I can see or was expecting!

Overwhelmed.

If I could describe this semester so far in one word it might be this: Overwhelming. 

I have been overwhelmed by my schoolwork; by feelings of inadequacy.

I have been overwhelmed by a stupid amount of car issues, both mechanical and just me locking myself out.. 

I have been overwhelmed by fears of "the future" getting closer and not knowing what the path looks like after college; more feelings of inadequacy that I cannot accomplish what The Lord is calling me to do.

I am overwhelmed by the people I see who are hurting; I so desperately want to do something, yet feel so powerless to help. 

I have been overwhelmed by tests and capstones that I don't seem to have time for and yet they are necessary. 

Strong emotions of sadness; feelings of darkness, worthlessness, frustration; physical symptoms of anxiety that can sometimes make it difficult to get out of bed in the morning; confusion, lack of understanding, lack of belief.. I have been overwhelmed. The list could go on and on.

But maybe through all of these things there is something that has been even more overwhelming. It is absolutely constant; I cannot get away from it no matter how hard I may try some days. It is the love of my God. It is overwhelming. 

I am overwhelmed that He can love me even when I am the most unlovable; He still pursues me.

I am overwhelmed that He does not get fed up of my anger when I cannot understand the hurt that is in this world; He reminds me again that He is bigger, even though I cannot begin to wrap my mind around it.

I am overwhelmed and amazed that He does not give up on me; He will complete the good work He has begun.

I am overwhelmed at the kindness, love, encouragement, and patience of sweet friends The Lord has placed in my life; they pray for me, hug me and sit with me, let me borrow their cars and give me rides, listen to me, and lead me back to the Father. 

I am overwhelmed by grace and mercy, forgiveness and love; they are boundless in the presence of the King. 

I am overwhelmed that the God of the universe loves ME. He chooses to look at me in my brokenness and say, "That is my child. She's mine." Most days I can't seem to fully believe it. But I want to. 

"From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I." ~ Psalm 61:2

I want to sit at Your feet; drink from the cup in Your hand. Lay back against You and breathe; feel Your heart beat.. This love is so deep; it's more than I can stand. I melt in Your peace; it's overwhelming.

Nobody Likes Me..

"Nobody likes me. Everybody hates me. I'll just go eat worms.."

A couple of days ago, I began singing this song on my way back to the church after dropping the lunch kids off at their houses. I didn't really think much about it at first ~ Catchy tune, learned it as a silly song when I was little, and I had just had two kids tell me that they were not going to come back to the lunch program tomorrow (because they were mad at me). The song seemed super random, but it kinda fit the situation I guess. I thought to myself in that moment: I know those kids don't hate me. Dislike me [maybe even strongly at times], yes. But hate.. no. But then The Lord brought to mind some of the scriptures I had read that morning:

"If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you." John 15:18-19

Whoa. What a statement.
What joy and peace we can find knowing that we do not belong to the world! How awesome and overwhelmingly amazing to know that The Lord has CHOSEN US. Yet for this life, we must deal with something that can be a harsh reality at times. "the world hates you." This does not always come in the form of outright hateful actions.. But sometimes it does. And sometimes it comes in the voice of a little boy who's living through unimaginable situations and hurting so deeply: "You're stupid. I'm never coming back here again." And yet he continues to come back every day. The Lord wants his heart; I know it.

Please pray for this child especially, but also all of the kids that are a part of the lunch program. Pray that their hearts will be softened to the Love that God has for them. Pray that they will find the only Hope that can give them Peace in more-than-difficult circumstances. Pray that they will come to VBS (it's coming up soon!) and that they will have open ears to hear the Good News that we have to share.

Lord, we know that You go before us. Prepare the way in the hearts of these precious kids that You love so dearly. Prepare the hearts of the parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, guardians, etc as well ~ that they would be willing to come; to step inside the doors of the church; to hear their kids talk about what they learned at VBS for the day; to listen to the fun songs and actually hear the lyrics. Lord, show them who You are! 

Spontaneous Worship

Oh Lord, You are so worthy to be praised!! 

At the most random times yesterday, these songs came to mind and I was ready to raise my hands and dance in worship! It was awesome!! So I thought I'd share and now you can sing with me!

Well I could sing unending songs of how You saved my soul! And I could dance a thousand miles because of Your great Love! My heart is bursting, Lord, to tell of all You’ve done ~ of how You changed my life and wiped away the past! I wanna shout it out; from every rooftop sing! For now I know that God is for me, not against me! Oh, I sing unending songs of how You saved my soul! And I could dance a thousand miles because of Your great Love!

*The Happy Song, by Chris Tomlin

You stood before creation, eternity in Your hand; You spoke the earth into motion, my soul now to stand. You stood before my failure; You carried the cross for my shame. My sin weighed upon Your shoulders, my soul now to stand. So what could I say? What could I do? But offer this heart, O God, completely to You! So I’ll walk upon salvation, Your Spirit alive in me! This life to declare Your promise, my soul now to stand. What could I say? What could I do? But offer this heart, O God, completely to You!

So I’ll stand with arms high and heart abandoned! In awe of the One who gave it all! I’ll stand; my soul, Lord, to You surrendered! All I am is Yours! So I’ll stand with arms high and heart abandoned! In awe of the One who gave it all! I’ll stand; my soul, Lord, to You surrendered! All I am is Yours!

*The Stand, by Hillsong

300 Kids

One ministry that I am able to be a part of here in Kodiak this summer involves the free lunch program provided by one of the schools. The church I am partnering with began an outreach last summer by driving kids from a neighborhood across town over to the school to eat. Afterwards, we play at the playground for a while before taking them back home (or at least back to their neighborhood). This is such a tremendous blessing to be a part of, but it is also heart-wrenching at times. 

I told multiple people last week that if I could, I would adopt about 300 kids in a heartbeat. (we don't have 300 kids in the lunch program; that was just my number). These kids that I'm surrounded by need Hope so desperately. I just want to love them. I just want them to know how much JESUS loves them!! 

"Most of the time I'm just alone, so that's why I'm outside playing all the time." - said by an 8-year-old. Broke my heart. It's too normal -  too "okay" - for kids to be left to fend for themselves all day. It can be so discouraging to look around at all of the hurt that surrounds us every day. It can be overwhelming when we want to ease the pain that we know people are going through. We will never be able to "fix" or "help" every situation. But we can take heart in this! ~ We can provide a source of Hope in any and every situation and circumstance. "You see, we don't go around preaching about ourselves. We preach that Jesus Christ is Lord, and we ourselves are your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, 'Let there be light in the darkness,' has made this light shine in our hearts so we could know the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ." ~ 2 Corinthians 4:5-6

Please be praying that these kids that I get to love on every Monday - Thursday would truly know how much I care about them and love them, so that they will listen with open ears and open hearts when I am able to share the best news ever with them!! (JESUS!) Also, pray that The Lord would be working in the hearts of their parents/guardians. We have VBS coming up in three weeks, and family night is a fantastic time to touch the lives of parents as well! Lastly, pray that there will be a ministry (either within the church that we will hold the VBS or elsewhere), where we can plug these kids in year-round so that they can continue hearing the Good News!

"Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.'" ~ Matthew 19:14