This little girl. Her name is Oceia. And she absolutely stole my heart this past summer while I was in Kodiak. (btw, if you're going to read my blog, I will forewarn you now.. Kodiak, and Alaska in general, will probably be mentioned quite often. :))
Anyways, back to Oceia ~ I walked in the preschool my first day and noticed that she was one of the few who didn't really act like the rest of the group. Of course, like most little kids who are meeting a new "big person" for the first time, the majority of the class ran over and commenced to show me their amazing skills- ballet, drawing, owning a really cool toy truck, and wearing an awesome Mickey Mouse hat. However, Oceia was kind of hanging back, observing, and silent. After the initial excitement began to dwindle and the kids were somewhat going back to their normal routine, I tried to talk to Oceia. But when I asked her name, she mumbled and took a few steps back. Well, I didn't think I was that big and scary, but she obviously didn't want to talk to me.. So instead I grabbed a book and sat down in the floor a good distance away from her (we didn't need any more steps to be taken backward). After looking at the book by myself for a few minutes - knowing all the while that Oceia was quietly watching - I gently invited her to look at it with me. No more questions; just come closer so we could enjoy the book together. She was satisfied with that request and obliged to come sit next to me. I felt a little bit better. :)
As the day progressed, I sat next to Oceia during "circle time," admired her drawings along with the other little girls, and stepped in when I felt that the other kids were treating her unfairly. Not that these are things that must be done for her on a daily basis, but I know it feels good to have someone be on your side, someone whom you know will stand up for you. I just wanted to be a friend.
Looking back, I think I saw in Oceia some of myself~ a quiet girl who doesn't quite have the confidence to share her talents, who stands to the side and observes rather than jumping in the middle of the commotion, who's not always sure exactly what to say when approached.
But! The story doesn't end there. By the end of the afternoon, Oceia was sitting in my lap to build towers with the blocks, holding actual conversations with me, and even invited me to her birthday party.. Unfortunately, I had to decline the invite.. but what a difference in our relationship after only a few hours! We had progressed from trying to get away and dodging talking with me, to inviting me to her birthday party and drawing me pictures (which I have kept in my Bible for a long time :)).
The point of this whole story is ~ I think this is the way we are with Jesus sometimes.. He calls to us; reaches out his hand; wants to talk to us.. And yet we are afraid to respond. Why? Why is it so difficult sometimes to simply reach out and take the hand that is so lovingly extended to us? I would say that is often a pretty complex and personal question.. However, I do believe - whatever the obstacle and reason for our hesitation - when we finally learn to rest in our Father's arms, we will never want to leave. We will eternally be singing his praises, "playing" and fellowshipping with him, sitting down to examine his Word, experiencing the most exciting times of our life with him! And also having him by our side, holding us close to himself, when the world knocks us down, yet over and over again. Jesus has already paid the price. He is patiently waiting and calling for us to join him at our Father's side.
"I want to sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hand, lay back against you and breath, feel your heart beat. This love is so deep, it's more than I can stand. I melt in your peace, it's overwhelming."
I'm not suggesting the path will be easy, but it will be worth it.
"But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find him if you seek him with all your heart and with all your soul." ~ Deuteronomy 4:29
