Finally Home.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." ~ John 16:33

There are days that I ache for Heaven. I can't even begin to wrap my mind around what Heaven will be, yet I know it will be perfect. No more pain. No more suffering. No more sadness, dying, fear, confusion, fighting, doubt, tears, or loneliness... And in their place: unimaginable joy and peace in the presence of our Father.

Now on the majority of days I am completely contented to continue living my life out here on earth. I have been blessed far greater than I ever could have asked for with absolutely amazing friends and family. Both my hometown and the college I now attend are fantastic. I have experienced wonderful adventures and met many new people. There are places I now call my second home, and people that I gladly consider family. I guess what I'm trying to portray is, life as I know it really isn't all too bad on most days. But I know there's something far better. A place where I will make my home for eternity.

"In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going." ~ John 14:2-4

"You know the way to the place where I am going."

I love people; I love to love people. I want the people I love to be with me forever. While I know there will be temporary separations, I want to know that ultimately I will see those that I love again. This is why I cling to the hope of Heaven. "Many Christians have misunderstood this word hope, believing that it denotes wishful thinking. Nothing could be farther from the truth! As soon as I became your Savior, heaven became your ultimate destination. The phrase hope of heaven highlights the benefits you can enjoy even while remaining on earth. This hope keeps you spiritually alive during dark times of adversity; it brightens your path and heightens your awareness of My Presence. My desire is that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Separation sometimes comes in the form of the death of a loved one: family, friend, neighbor, classmate. These times can be difficult and filled with inexpressible grief. But there is also Joy to be found in knowing that we will one day meet again. I know the way to heaven; His name is Jesus.

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." ~ Matthew 5:4

"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, for the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted..." ~ Isaiah 61:1

 

Aunt Belle, so sweet and oh so kind.

 

Always kept others on her mind.

 

She put up with a lot and a baby or three.

 

The advice that she gave was always free.

 

Because of her Savior, she knew how to love,

 

She, a gift to our family, was sent from above.

 

So loved by all who knew her, she will surely be missed.

 

But now she's dancing with her King, experiencing eternal bliss.

 

So we mourn for our loss and that's how it's supposed to be.

 

Why mourn for her when she's better off than me?

 

Don't feel like I can say it, but it really is okay.

 

We have the hope of heaven; I will see her again some day.

He knows my name..

Just in case you forgot how breath-takingly gorgeous it is.. :)

First, a quick background recap: This past summer I was blessed with the opportunity to spend two full months in a place that I absolutely have fallen in love with~ Kodiak, Alaska. Through the North American Mission Board, I worked with Frontier Baptist Church, Kodiak Filipino Bible Church, their two wonderful pastors, the Kodiak Baptist Mission and the lovely people that work there, as well as many others along the way. Ecstatic about continuing relationships I had already formed and creating many new ones as I lived alongside those in the Kodiak community, I set out on my adventure!


My first 24 hours in Kodiak were disastrous. Not in what actually happened~ Just in my panicked mind and trembling heart. Don't ask me why, but I absolutely fell to pieces. I doubted why I was there; I felt inadequate, underqualified, and way too self-conscious, shy, and broken to do anything; I was terrified. And crying. There was definitely a lot of crying. To say I felt out of my comfort zone would have been the understatement of the summer.

Well.. The day after I arrived, a team from Wasilla, Alaska, came to Kodiak to conduct two Vacation Bible Schools (one in Kodiak and one in Old Harbor). And again, I was afraid. I didn't want to be in their way or make them feel like they had to include me; I didn't want to try to fit in where I didn't belong.

*I love when God has other plans*

 

The family of God is amazing! By the end of the week - much sooner actually - I had a group of new friends that will last for eternity. I found my place in the group and never once did I feel like an outsider. God created bonds that felt like they had existed for years, and by the time they departed a week later I said goodbye to close friends.

 

Vacation Bible School at Native New Life!

Sweet Giselle with me and Buddy :)



Bible Stories with Miss Melissa

Rica, Sophie, & Maggie :)

Oh the dandelions...

 



Sienna and her dandelions.

:)

Matt Matt --> Precious. :)

Sweet girl!

God knew how badly I needed to meet and work with this team at the beginning of my summer! ~ I don't know how I ever would have made it without them. They encouraged and uplifted me. I was able to observe their passion for the work they were doing. They reassured me when I expressed fear and provided support that I needed in those moments.

 

If I am to be completely honest, I would have to admit that I wasn't so pumped when I heard that there was a team coming in so soon after I arrived. I thought it might be better if I had a few days to get settled in a little bit first. I couldn't have been more wrong; God knew that. Before I sent in my summer missionary application to NAMB, before I was accepted, before I set foot on Kodiak soil in 2012~ God knew what my fears were going to be. He knows my shortcomings and when I fail. He knows what I struggle with no matter how hard I try to hide. He sees every tear that falls and every doubt that crosses my mind. He knows my strengths and my weaknesses; He knows what I need. He knows my name.

 

"I have a Maker, He formed my heart. Before even time began, my life was in His hands."

 

"Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." ~ Luke 12:7

 

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" ~ Matthew 6:26

 

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9

 

YOU have a Maker; He formed your heart; He cares about you. He knows your name!

 

 

Precious Moments.

"The devil doesn't care how much we do, as long as we don't do it today."

"If Satan can't make you bad, he'll make you busy."

These two quotes came to mind as I thought about what God taught me during the beginning of my summer here in Kodiak. About the first week and a half after I arrived, there were many times that I caught myself wanting to accomplish one task and quickly move on to the next. Those tangible things we can check off our list- I wanted to get stuff done! Well.. God had something much more important to show me. While, yes, those checklist things are important and necessary, how often do we get so wrapped up in our to-do's that we miss out on wonderful opportunities to share life with other people?! My mind is constantly running through the list of things that I want and need to get accomplished. BUT.. I felt God saying "Stop. Sit down. Enjoy this moment." I began to feel a peace about leaving those to-do's for a while and to spend time in the moments and opportunities that God was putting in front of me.


"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.." ~ Ecclesiastes 3:1

This means that there is a time to sit down and eat ice cream with friends,

A time to watch a new friend Yupik dance and learn about the Native culture she is so passionate about,

A time to sit by the ocean in complete awe of the Creator of the Universe,

There is a time for sharing and for listening,

A time to climb a mountain, go for a run, or go 4-wheeling through God's amazing world,

A time to play with little kids and pet a puppy,

There is time to invest in other people's lives,

A time to run and jump in the ocean on your birthday,

And a time to hang out with people doing absolutely nothing except enjoying one another's company.

Too often we allow precious moments and sweet opportunities to pass us by simply because we think we're too busy. We live in a fast-paced world, and yet God commands us.. "Be still, and know that I am God."


The things of this earth will pass away; our to-do lists won't matter any more; there will be no test to make sure we checked off all of the things we add to our ever growing list.. What WILL matter, are the people's lives we were involved in, who we showed Christ's love to. Our priorities become clear when we look at the amount of time we spend doing various things. Yes, there are - and always will be - things that must get done. Our to-do lists are never going to go away. But I, for one, don't want to miss any more opportunities to spend time with someone who may be lonely, to love on someone who is hurting, or to get to know someone God places in my path. My man-made to-do list can wait sometimes; God's open doors are calling.

Family Time!

My first week home.. :)

Bocce ball. A game that - in my opinion - really should be pretty boring. However, add some people you love to play it with, and it turns into an afternoon full of laughs, smiles, and making memories. :)

Kevin trying to be a distraction :)

Awwww~ I love these boys!

Family Forever.

More family time!

Playing line tag.
Look at that form!

Siblings :)

Had the opportunity to try my hand at coaching some awesome girls in the Perryton basketball tournament. Can't wait to see what they will accomplish next season!

And I've been able to finally be a part of the things going on in David and Kevin's lives!!

David's choir concert

Papa, Kevin, & Nana at Kevin's awards assembly

David's awards assembly
6th highest GPA in his grade!

Kids' choir program at church
It was great and Kevin did wonderful!

Oh these dogs!

Shado can always make me smile.. :))

Beautiful Sunsets...

Tenderly Calling..

This little girl. Her name is Oceia. And she absolutely stole my heart this past summer while I was in Kodiak. (btw, if you're going to read my blog, I will forewarn you now.. Kodiak, and Alaska in general, will probably be mentioned quite often. :))


Anyways, back to Oceia ~ I walked in the preschool my first day and noticed that she was one of the few who didn't really act like the rest of the group. Of course, like most little kids who are meeting a new "big person" for the first time, the majority of the class ran over and commenced to show me their amazing skills- ballet, drawing, owning a really cool toy truck, and wearing an awesome Mickey Mouse hat. However, Oceia was kind of hanging back, observing, and silent. After the initial excitement began to dwindle and the kids were somewhat going back to their normal routine, I tried to talk to Oceia. But when I asked her name, she mumbled and took a few steps back. Well, I didn't think I was that big and scary, but she obviously didn't want to talk to me.. So instead I grabbed a book and sat down in the floor a good distance away from her (we didn't need any more steps to be taken backward). After looking at the book by myself for a few minutes - knowing all the while that Oceia was quietly watching - I gently invited her to look at it with me. No more questions; just come closer so we could enjoy the book together. She was satisfied with that request and obliged to come sit next to me. I felt a little bit better. :)


As the day progressed, I sat next to Oceia during "circle time," admired her drawings along with the other little girls, and stepped in when I felt that the other kids were treating her unfairly. Not that these are things that must be done for her on a daily basis, but I know it feels good to have someone be on your side, someone whom you know will stand up for you. I just wanted to be a friend.


Looking back, I think I saw in Oceia some of myself~ a quiet girl who doesn't quite have the confidence to share her talents, who stands to the side and observes rather than jumping in the middle of the commotion, who's not always sure exactly what to say when approached. 

But! The story doesn't end there. By the end of the afternoon, Oceia was sitting in my lap to build towers with the blocks, holding actual conversations with me, and even invited me to her birthday party.. Unfortunately, I had to decline the invite.. but what a difference in our relationship after only a few hours! We had progressed from trying to get away and dodging talking with me, to inviting me to her birthday party and drawing me pictures (which I have kept in my Bible for a long time :)). 

The point of this whole story is ~ I think this is the way we are with Jesus sometimes.. He calls to us; reaches out his hand; wants to talk to us.. And yet we are afraid to respond. Why? Why is it so difficult sometimes to simply reach out and take the hand that is so lovingly extended  to us? I would say that is often a pretty complex and personal question.. However, I do believe - whatever the obstacle and reason for our hesitation - when we finally learn to rest in our Father's arms, we will never want to leave. We will eternally be singing his praises, "playing" and fellowshipping with him, sitting down to examine his Word, experiencing the most exciting times of our life with him! And also having him by our side, holding us close to himself, when the world knocks us down, yet over and over again. Jesus has already paid the price. He is patiently waiting and calling for us to join him at our Father's side.


"I want to sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hand, lay back against you and breath, feel your heart beat. This love is so deep, it's more than I can stand. I melt in your peace, it's overwhelming."


I'm not suggesting the path will be easy, but it will be worth it.


"But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find him if you seek him with all your heart and with all your soul." ~ Deuteronomy 4:29

"And the greatest of these is Love.." Alaska Through My Eyes.

Towards the end of my junior year of high school (2009-10), I felt God calling me to go to Alaska to share His love with the people up there. I don't remember how it happened, but I knew~ I needed to go. Many obstacles arose. And my heart broke as I watched my plans fall through over and over again. We went through a good four or five different trips that I was going to participate in to get me to a place where I could minister in Alaska. See, the problem was, they were human plans; they all fell through. God had greater things in store than I ever could have imagined.

On July 7, 2010, I was on my way to Kodiak, Alaska, with a group of people that I barely knew. Long before we departed a week later, I would consider those people - along with many people I met in Kodiak - my family. While I was in Kodiak that first time, I grew tremendously in my faith, grew closer to my brothers and sisters in Christ and observed what it means to act as one body, developed a huge heart for the people I came in contact with who had no knowledge of the saving power of Christ, and fell in love with a place called Alaska. Here are just a few of my pictures I would like to share~

I have never seen a more beautiful place! Surrounded by God's incredible
 creation, and yet still so many people who know nothing of His love for them. 

Our team :) July 2010

"All around me Your creation, brings me to my knees in adoration!"
        -- Life is Good, Eternal Life is Better!

"And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that
are here today and gone tomorrow, won't He
more surely care for you?" - Matthew 6:30

I wish I had more pictures of the people I have had the privilege to meet and the kids I've gotten to play with and love on.. However, I do not regret for a single second the time I spent playing and interacting with them that prevented or distracted me from taking those pictures.

Pictures don't even begin to do justice to this place or to the experiences I have had there anyway, but for this purpose they will have to suffice.

These are some of the Filipino kids that came to VBS,
performing the songs on the last day. :)

Some of the most well-behaved kids I have ever worked with! They were great listeners, worked hard in making their crafts each day (even the boys!), followed instructions, and had the most beautiful smiles. Please be in prayer for these kiddos, their families, the Filipino Bible Church, and their pastor!

I can't wait until the day I get to work with them again. :)

Surfer's Beach

I left with tears in my eyes, desiring to come back as soon as God would allow. Thankfully, He didn't make me wait long! During Spring Break the following March (2010) I headed to Nome, Alaska, to minister to the people there during the Iditarod Dogsled Races.

Our team held a Kid's Club (Vacation Bible School) for the kids during the week. Many of the kids would just walk to the church on their own each day. Once again, they were so eager to participate - something that is so common where many of us grew up is such a treat for them to experience. You can see their longing for someone who genuinely wants to love on them and spend time with them. They desperately need people who are willing to invest in their lives and build relationships. It broke my heart to learn that the reason our attendance was so high on one particular day was because the winner of the Iditarod had finished that morning - the parents wanted to celebrate, and we were the perfect child-care while they went off to get helplessly drunk. There was no way of knowing what we were sending those kids home to that day. Please pray for these kids as they grow up in this community. There is darkness and utter hopelessness surrounding a great part of Nome, but God is moving! My prayer is that they will find the one true Light and depart from the generational chains that have bound families in Nome for countless decades.

Bible stories!

Craft-time :)

This is the reason we go: 

These people are exactly like us. 

They need Jesus just like we do.

They need HOPE.

But they don't think it exists.

They are isolated and secluded.

They need HOPE.

We can help to give them that-

You can point out the people who are different,

Who have a smile on their face

And a twinkle in their eye.

That is what we are to them- 

Something different.

Something they don't know.

HOPE.

Helen!
A precious sister in Christ :)

Native drummers at the finish line
I loved listening to the music they were making as the mushers came in.
As I stood there in that moment, my prayer became this:
That one day, those chants and that music would not simply be
them cheering for their fellow brother, but instead
a song of praise to our God.

A ladies' luncheon - breaking down barriers
Forming relationships and sharing food,
loving on and encouraging our neighbors.

Kirsten, myself, & Julie
If those kids can wear shorts, so can we!
Well, at least for a few minutes :)

Fearfully & Wonderfully Made.

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." -Psalm 139:14-16

Did you catch that? It says ALL my days were layed out before Him before I even came to be. ALL. That includes my past, my present, and my future. The past few years have included some pretty big decisions in my life.. choosing a college to attend, to play basketball at the college level, mission trips, and of course many daily decisions that just come along with everyday life. Right now I'm working on figuring out "what I want to do with the rest of my life." And frankly, while there are many things I want to do with the rest of my life, finding and following the path God has for me has felt overwhelming at times. However, this verse has been such a comfort to me through times like this.
I look back at the ways God has been so intricately involved in the details of my life thus far - big and small - and can't help but feel confident that His hand is over all and in all. And that whatever His plans are will be revealed in His perfect time. And one day we will look back and see how beautifully our path was woven together. Just the way it was supposed to be.

One detail of my life that I have come to be amazed with recently, deals with something that the world may consider a "birth defect." For those of you that don't know, when I was born, my right thumb was basically immobile. It never fully formed. Long story short, my parents (after a consultation at the Shriner's hospital in Houston) decided it would be best if I had surgery to remove the thumb and move my pointer finger over in a position where it could function as my thumb. Although this would leave me with only four fingers on one hand, it would provide me with the opposing digits helpful in picking things up and such.

I had my first hand surgery at the young age of 20 months, and never looked back. That I can remember, I've never really felt sorry for myself. Of course, in Elementary there were kids who would make fun of me. But I always had awesome friends who would take my side and stand up for me (by the way, if you were one of those friends and you're reading this, and I've never said thanks-- Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Those years would have been so much harder if it hadn't been for y'all).

See, I was ready to go! And stinkin' cute on top of that ;)

Four fingers was my "normal," and I never thought anything of it. In fact, I used to love playing with the old splints stashed away in a box in my closet.

My Grandma tailored gloves in the winter so they would fit my hand, and to this day it's still kinda funny to give it to someone to put on and watch them struggle until they figure out why they can't get it on :)

I made mud-pies and played on the playground just like every other little kid!

If I were to tell you that I've never been self-conscious about it, I would be lying. But never have I been angry or upset that God made my hand the way he did. However, only recently have I realized what a blessing it is for my hands to be exactly the way that they are!

You see, my left hand has a difficultly of its own- the small space between my pointer finger and thumb makes it impossible for me to make a complete circle, like so ~

Yes, I realize I look ridiculous.
I was trying really hard.. :)

This makes it difficult to do things such as climbing and swinging on monkey bars or lifting dumb bell or bar weights. It is difficult to get a grip with my left hand; the pressure can even be painful sometimes. However, because of the surgery, my right hand fits perfectly! If both of my hands were shaped exactly like my left hand, it is very likely I would be limited in some of the things I can do, but God's design is perfect. :)




I would venture to say the main "difficulty" (if you can even call it that) with my right hand is the larger-than-normal space that is left where my pointer finger used to be. While I had never thought about it, it was once brought to my attention that the space might make it more difficult to catch a basketball. Or any kind of ball for that matter. Upon my own recent investigation of this situation, I realized that when a ball is thrown at me from straight on, it is mostly dependent upon my left hand (with all five fingers evenly spaced) to stop the ball from hitting me in the face. The place where my pointer finger is missing on my right hand makes it more vulnerable to allow the ball to slip through. This is only one example, but if both of my hands were shaped exactly like my right hand, I believe it is very likely that I would struggle and be limited in some of the things I can do fairly well as it is, but - once again - God's design is perfect. :)


It is so great to have wonderful reminders like this of how great our God is, and yet He still remains so intricately involved in every detail of our lives. When the storms of life rage and clouds of doubt and worry threaten to overtake the joy we have, we can claim the promises that God has given us, His children! Although it is a difficult thing for me to grasp, I can believe with certainty that God knows "all the days ordained for me" and this frees me from having to! I may not be able to see what lies in my future, but I can see one thing~

My God is great, and His design is perfect. :)

Showing off my sticker and stamp :)

"It came as a sheer gift to me, a real surprise, God handling all the details... God saw to it that I was equipped, but you can be sure that it had nothing to do with my natural abilities."
                                             ~ Ephesians 3:7-8

"And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus."
                                             ~Philippians 4:19